


Come Home

by Aint_No_Holy_Ghost



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13x23 Coda, Angst (or at least I tried. It's subtle), Coda, Dean deals with his traumas, First Kiss, Hurt Castiel, Jack & Cas (little bit), John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Love Confessions, M/M, Mary & Cas (if you squint), Post-Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, Post-Season/Series 13, Sam & Cas (little bit), unashamed 11x18 parallel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 02:13:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14740122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aint_No_Holy_Ghost/pseuds/Aint_No_Holy_Ghost
Summary: Every time Cas closes his eyes, all he sees is Dean being taken away from him. All he sees is Dean’s stern ‘Yes’. It haunts him, along with all the things left unsaid between the two of them.Dean’s trapped. Locked away inside his own mind, and it is terrifying. Deep there, are all his worst fears, traumas and regrets. All the things he refuses to face, they come to bite him now.OrThe one where Cas is determined to save Dean from Michael, and the key for that is Dean’s own acceptance of who he truly is.





	Come Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is the first fic I post here, and I really hope you enjoy it.
> 
> It was inspired by the tons of meta I read after the finale and personal headcanons that I had to put somewhere. The fic is not beta read, so if you spot any mistakes please let me know.

_(…)_

_There’s someone I’ve been missing_

_I think that they could be_

_The better half of me_

_They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right_

_But I’m tired of justifying_

_So I say to you_

_Come home, come home_

 

* * *

* * *

 

_“What if you had your sword?” Dean said, his voice growing more confident and steady with each word as the idea came out of his mouth._

_Cas instantly knew what Dean was planning, looking up with sudden distress._

_“Dean, no”_

 

* * *

 

            He could feel the moment it happened, the exact instant when Michael twisted their deal and the longing he could always pick up from Dean became a desperate cry for help mixed with guilt. He could now feel Dean, locked inside his own my mind, knowing he had no other choice, but regretting his stupidness nonetheless. Cas didn’t think Dean had been stupid. Dean had been right, it was the only chance they had and he’d been brave enough to take the risk.

            When Sam and Jack found their way back to the bunker, the first thing Sam did was to hug him tightly.

            “We’ll get him back”

            All he could do was nod silently and let Jack hug him too. He knew Jack probably needed someone to talk to, but Cas was not the right person at the moment. He heard as Sam narrated their story, how Lucifer had planned for one of them to killed the other but Dean had interrupted the Devil’s plan.

            He could almost picture Dean, looking smug, with a pair of shadowy wings to his back and a blue glow to his eyes. It made his heart ache. He remembered the one time he beat Dean in an alley because he’d wanted to say yes to Michael. And now, here they were, almost ten years later, and he had finally failed his mission. Dean was gone.

            And so was Lucifer, thanks to Dean. The Devil was dead at last, but the most selfish part of Cas thought _but at what cost_.

            They would find a way to get Dean back, he promised himself that. And when they did, instead of punching Dean for giving himself to Michael, Cas would hold him close and never let him go.

 

* * *

 

_“I am your sword, your perfect vessel” Dean said, stepping confidently towards the beaten-up archangel “With me, you’d be stronger than you’ve ever been”_

_“Oh, I know what you are”_

_“If we work together” Dean pondered, Cas’ heart racing faster by the second “Can we beat Lucifer?”_

_“_ Dean _”_

_“Can we?” Dean ignores him, too desperate for a last win._

_“We’d have a chance”_

            He opens his eyes and sits up abruptly, Michael’s voice following him as he wakes fully. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to close his eyes.

            Every time he does, all he sees is Dean being taken away from him. All he sees is Dean’s stern ‘Yes’. It haunts him, along with all the things left unsaid between the two of them.

            He hears a knock at the door and turns his head towards it. It’s Sam.

            “Hey” he says, smiling shyly “Dinner’s served, if you want”

            Cas regrets the way he’s been acting then. Three days have passed, they still don’t have a plan and Sam’s been taking care of him while he pines and mops around the bunker, close to all the things that are just _Dean_. Like Dean’s room, where he has been staying since the hunter was gone. The bunker was filled with people and Cas’ room was occupied. No one said a word when Mary first found him laying in Dean’s bed, listening to the mix tape Dean gave him.

            “I’ll be there shortly”

            Sam nods and turns to go, but decides against it at the last second, coming to sit beside him on Dean’s bed instead.

            “Cas, you know we’ll get him back, right? We’ll find Michael, and we’ll build a plan and we _will_ save him”

            _Save him_. He saved Dean once, from the deep valleys of hell. Now he has to do it once again, he just needs to find the strength within himself.

            “I know. Thank you, Sam”

            The younger Winchester looks at him with worried eyes, and Cas is thankful. Sam’s mouth moves as if he has something else to say, but he nods and pats Cas’ shoulder, then leaves him alone to his thoughts.

            If he listens carefully, he can hear Dean’s calls.

 

* * *

 

_“Dean, you_ can’t _”_

_Dean turns to him, and Cas has never seen him in so desperate. He’s ready to throw himself onto this last hope._

_“Lucifer has Sam. He has J_ ack _” Jack, whom Castiel himself was supposed to protect. He realizes then, Dean is doing this for him too. He’s going to kill the Devil so his brother doesn’t have to, and he’s going to save Jack so Cas doesn’t have to put himself in harm’s way “Cas, I_ don’t have a choice _”_

* * *

            His family tries to comfort him. Mary fixes him tea and sits in silence beside him while they drink it in the library. She asks him about how they met, she wants to hear his version of the story. He tells her that he saved Dean from hell and Dean ended up saving him too.

            Jack apologizes for ‘acting reckless’ but Cas stops him. _It was not your fault_ , Cas says to him. Then jack tells him about what happened to Dean when Castiel died, and Cas’ heart sinks a little further.

            Charlie tries to distract him with movies. Bobby pats his shoulder when he passes Cas around the bunker. Even Rowena wants to help.

            Weeks have gone by hen they finally find him – with Charlie’s inexhaustible help and Rowena’s magic –, tracking Michael’s almost impossibly hidden steps to an abandoned building in the suburbs of New York City. Cas is able to get a hold of himself again. He shakes off his unwanted mourning and is filled with new hope and energy. He’s going to get Dean back. No one will stop him. He’ll be cautious, and he’ll be ready to face the archangel and to _save Dean_.

 

* * *

 

_“If we do this” Dean says “It’s a one-time deal. I’m in charge. You’re the engine, but I’m behind the wheel” there’s no room for argument with Dean’s words. Michael analyses him carefully “Understand?”_

_Looking intently at the Winchester, the archangel nods, slowly._

_Dean turns to Cas then, fraught green eyes resting on sad blue ones. Dean knows what he needs to say._

 

* * *

          

           Bobby, Mary and Charlie join him, Sam and a weakened but stubborn Jack, in their way to New York. Cas knows the plan by heart, knows all the words and steps for the spell.

 

            They were expecting a fight, but there are more guards then they thought there’d be.

            “Demons” Cas tells the group as they hide behind a dumpster, just outside the building’s main entrance “There’s about twenty of them” he says with closed eyes as he uses his angelic senses to feel all the presences in the place “There’s an unguarded door on the left side”

            “That one leads to the third floor” Charlie informs, she had managed to get the blueprints “It’s a good path to his room”

            Michael’s room is on the fifth floor, right side. He’s not there yet, but he’ll be back as soon as Cas utters the summoning ritual.

            “Cas” Sam calls him “You go to him. We’ll distract the demons” he wants to argue and Sam can see that, but Sam doesn’t let him “Bring him back”

            He nods and watches as the team goes ahead, weapons ready to fight with teeth and nail. He waits until the sounds of slaughtering begin and walks around, straight to the free entrance.

            He fights two demons on the fourth floor, rushing up the stairs towards his destination, careful with the small duffel bag throw over his shoulder, containing all he needs for the spell. There’s only one demon at Michael’s door and Cas defats it with ease. He’s not surprised that they have allied themselves to the archangel after Lucifer’s death.

            The door is locked but he kicks it open. It’s time.

 

* * *

 

            He’s trapped. Locked away inside his own mind, and it is terrifying. Deep there, are all his worst fears, traumas and regrets. All the things he refuses to face, they come to haunt him now.

            The innocent lives he couldn’t save. The wrong choices he made. The harsh words of his father. _Soldier._ All the times he failed his brother. All the times he watched Cas died.

            Those things, faces, sounds, come at him like thousands of flying knives, attacking him from all directions, stinging, reopening old wounds that never really healed.

            Faceless, countless people scream in pain and bleed to death by his eyes. Some know faces show up too: Ash. Jo. Helen. Pamela. Adam. Kevin. Charlie.

            _His hands are tied._

            He chooses the wrong way, endangers the world once again. Starts the apocalypse, frees the Darkness.

            _His hands punish him._

            The ghost of his father yells at him for leaving Sam unprotected, punches him. Molds and shapes him into the perfect tool.

            _His hands are tied._

            He puts on his bravado mask, acts nonchalantly, hiding his feelings and pushing them down, building walls and more walls around himself.

            _His hands strangle him._

            Sam drinks demon blood. Sam says yes to Lucifer, loses his soul, suffers through the trials, gets killed by a nest of vampires.

            _His hands are tied._

            Cas’ body is lifeless on the ground, wings burned onto the dust, all the grace gone from his eyes.

            _His hands are bloody._

 

* * *

 

            Castiel paints the sigils. Pours the Holy Oil onto the ground in a circle. It’s an adaptation of the spell the Winchesters used to try to get Lucifer out of his body not that long ago. Rowena helped them reformulate it.

            He’s scared. Scared of not getting it done correctly, scared of losing Dean again. Scared of looking in the eyes of the human he loves and not seeing him there.

            Cas says the words carefully, thunders echoing through the clean, white walls of the room. He pushed all furniture to the sides, took away the modern artwork, replacing them with red paint. The lights flicker and electric sparks fall down from the lamps. Then, right there with his back to Castiel, is Michael in all his glory.

            The archangel turns slowly, almost theatrically, towards him and gives him a wry smile.

            “Hello, Castiel” he says and it is Dean’s voice that reaches Cas’ ears. But he doesn’t find Dean in the eyes of the man before him.

 

* * *

 

            “You were supposed to protect him!” his father yells once again, fist colliding with Dean’s cheek, hurting, burning “He was your charge!”

            By his side, a version of himself watches him, laughing bitterly.

            “You’re so weak” the other Dean blurts “How can you let him do this you?”

            Dean is caught by the comment, ignoring the blood running down his face, John’s fist on his jaw and the restraints on his hands.

            “Who are you?” he asks himself.

            “I’m _you_ , you idiot” he’s scolded “I’m the _real you_ ”

            “Look at me when I’m talking to you, boy!” his father says, voice rough.

            “I’m sorry, dad. I promise I’ll do better” He’s kneeled on the ground, clothes rumpled.

            “Oh, for fuck’s sake” the ‘real Dean’ throws his hands in the air and sights loudly “Can’t you see you’ve done nothing wrong? Sam wasn’t supposed to be your child! You weren’t supposed to do dad’s job!”

            “I…” he thinks about it. He told his mom that, didn’t he? “I know”

            “Oh, do you now?”

            “It…it wasn’t fair. Sam was…my brother. He wasn’t my son” he looks down at his hands, and for the first time in what feels like years they are not tied so tightly.

            “Yes! Exactly” real Dean says exasperated. “Can’t you see all the things he’s pushed into you?” he half-yells, pointing at John who’s still standing in front of Dean, looking him down “Your brother’s parenting, his soldier mode, his toxic masculine behavior” his other self walks closer to him and looks him straight in the eye “You are _not_ him. You are a better man them he was, Dean!”

            “B-but I’m…”

            “You’re what? Scared? Softer? Less ‘macho’? In love with an angel, with a man? Who cares!” his self pleads at him “You are not weaker, Dean. You’re strong! You’re strong enough to break those” he points at the ropes tying Dean’s wrists “Free yourself. Free me, free _us_ ” as he says it, the other Dean shows his own wrists, bound by barely visible chains to the black hole in the back of Dean’s mind.

            “I…” he looks down at his hands, analyzing the bonds. When he turns to his other self again, he’s gone. In his place is Cas, wearing his trademark trench coat and a kind look on his face “Cas?”

            “Hello, Dean”

            “W-what are you doing here? I…I killed you” he gets up slowly, stopping midway to touching the angel’s arm.

            “Oh, did you? That’s odd. I don’t recall you stabbing me with any sort of blade” the angel sasses him, smiling warmly.

            “But, Cas, I…”

            “No ‘buts’. It wasn’t your fault” Cas touches his cheek and he feels the dried blood vanish.

            “You fell for me”

            “Yes” Cas nods “In many ways. But none of them was a mistake, Dean. Thanks to you, I got to be who I truly am. You have not failed me. You have not broken me, or ruined me, or anything else you might think”

            “Cas…I don’t deserve you”

            “Yes, you do. If only you’d allow your own happiness. Please, Dean. Free yourself” Cas holds Dean’s bound wrists between them, shakes them in front of Dean’s eyes “This isn’t you”

            “Dean” he hears his brother’s voice behind him, turning around to face Sam.

            “Sammy” Dean wants to hug him, but he still can’t.

            “Dean. It’s okay, you can let go of me. I can take care of myself now” Sam huffs a small laugh “I’m a grow man” Dean smiles at his brother “I’m thankful for all you’ve done to me, I’ll always be. You need to take care of _yourself_ now”

            “I…” Dean’s thoughts run like crazy through his mind, assimilating all the things he’s heard so far, only truths, believing them.

            “Free yourself, Dean” Sam’s gone as suddenly as he appeared, and he finds himself once again alone with his father.

 

* * *

 

            “Michael” his voice is not as firm as he wished it’d be, but he still faces the archangel.

            “You came for my vessel? That’s why you set up this little circus?” Michael mocks, gesturing at the sigils on the walls.

            “Yes” he says, reaching into his pocket “And you walked straight into it” Cas drops the lighten match, bringing life to a ring of Holy Fire. Michael looks at him in annoyed disapproval.

            “Really, Castiel? I expected more of you” hear those words in Dean’s voice hurts him, but he promised himself he’d be strong.

            “As Dean would say” he shrugs “Sucks for you”

            Michael chuckles darkly, walking around the flames.

            “He’s trapped in here, you know?” the archangel presses a finger to his temple “Seeing all his worst nightmares, again and again”

            Cas cuts his hand and hits the sigil beside him, triggering the spell, not wanting to hear to much of Michael’s mean, twisting words. The archangel gasps and bends forward, hands on his knees.

            “Dean” Castiel calls “Dean, come back!”

            Dean’s body shakes and sweats, until it stops, head down against its chest.

            “Cas?” Dean’s voice sounds dizzy, but it’s definitely his.

            “Dean! Dean, listen to me!”

            Dean is disoriented, trying to find a focus, trying to grip onto reality. He starts shaking again.

            “Dean!”

            The shaking turns into just shoulders jumping as Michael laughs loudly at Cas’ face, faking a concerned look. Then he smiles.

            “He can’t hear you”

            “Dean” Cas keeps on trying, because he can’t give up, he won’t “Dean, hear my voice, please” Michael’s just shaking his head in disbelief “Remember” Cas blurts out as the memory comes to him “Remember what you told me!”

            “Oh, you really think he meant that?” Michael’s cruel laughter echoes true his ears, alongside Dean’s last words before he said ‘yes’.

 

* * *

 

_“Dean…” Cas pleads, though he knows he can’t convince Dean._

_“I’m sorry, Cas. I have to” Dean looks down, biting his bottom lip. When he meets Cas’ eyes again, Dean’s cheeks are wet. This is it, Cas realizes. He knows Michael won’t honor his deal, and he thinks Dean knows to._

_“I’ll go with you” he tries, but Dean shakes his head._

_“I can’t risk you too, Cas”_

_He steps closer to Dean, wrapping his arms around him. Dean’s hands reach up, warm where they touch his back. He feels Dean’s breathing onto his neck and tugs him closer, feeling him._

_“I love you” Dean says against his ear, and if they weren’t so close Cas would think he’d heard it wrong “I’m sorry” he whispers as he pulls away from Cas, the angel’s eyes filled with tears._

_Dean turns towards the archangel, taking a deep breath and willing himself to recompose._

_“Yes” as soon as the word leaves his mouth two things happen:_

_One, Dean’s world darkens._

_Two, the tears fall through Cas’ face._

* * *

            “I believe he did” Castiel throws the words at the archangel “And now you’re going to let him go”

            “Hum, I’m not so sure. See my plan’s not fin-“ Michael suddenly chokes and falls to his knees “NO” he yells.

            “Let me go!”

            “Shut up!”

            It’s Dean, Cas understands. Dean’s fighting Michael.

 

* * *

 

            _Dean, Dean, Dean!_ Echoes around him. He just saw Cas again, didn’t he? He needs to go back.

            “Son” his father says, getting Dean’s attention “What are you doing?”

            “I’m…” Dean looks from his hands to his father “You’ve wronged me” he says bitterly “I was…just a kid. I shouldn’t have to… _you_ should’ve been there for Sam. For _me_ ”

            “Son…”

            “No. You know I’m right. What you put me through…” he shook his head, tears blurring his vison “I didn’t deserve that, any of it. I…” he turns his eyes to where Cas had been minutes ago “I deserve more”

            “Yes, you do. I’m so sorry, son” facing John again, Dean feels like he finally understands him “I should’ve been there for you, for you brother. When your mom died, I just…just couldn’t…”

            “Dad, I…I understand” he says calmly “’Cause I know what it’s like to lose the person you love. It takes the ground off your feet. And I understand why you acted the way you did” he’s looking his father straight in the eye, something he rarely did. He’s not listening to orders anymore, he’s not pretending to be the good soldier he was taught to be. Because that’s not who he is “And even though losing mom doesn’t apologize the way you neglected us, because we were your kids and you were all we had…” he pauses for a moment, smiling to himself “I forgive you, dad”

            Tears are streaked down his face, but Dean’s not ashamed of them. He’s proud of himself.

            “Dean” his father smiles close-mouthed at him and steps closer “I’m proud of you, son. I truly am” Dean nods. John reaches behind himself, pulls out a pocket knife. With his other hand extended towards his Dean, he says “Free yourself, son”

            “I will”

 

* * *

 

            “Get out of me!” Dean shouts at the top of his tired lungs. He feels himself black out as the power of an archangel is expelled from him in a bright, white light.

 

* * *

 

            “Dean!” Cas rushes forwards as Dean’s body falls to the marble ground, flames extinguished around him. Cas pulls his unconscious body onto his lap, resting Dean’s head on his tights “Dean…” he runs a hand through his hunter’s face, shoulder, arm “Please, wake up” Cas whispers.

            He feels Dean pull in a deep breath, chest moving forcefully as his lungs are filled. He’s still watching Dean’s closed eyes, paying so much attention to them that he doesn’t see Dean’s mouth moving.

            “I meant it, you know?” green eyes – _Dean’s_ green eyes –  open, staring right into Castiel’s. The hunter’s lips tug into a smug smile at Cas’ surprised and relieved gasp “I love you”

            “Dean” Cas pulls him up, hands cradling his face, pressing their lips together for the first time.

            It’s been a decade since they met. A quarter of Dean’s life, only a blink in Cas’ existence. The most important ten years for both of them.

            “I love you too” Cas says, reluctantly pulling back, but he needs to get those words out. Dean rests their foreheads together as they sit the closest as possible to each other.

            Then they hear multiple running steps and the door is burst open by four bloody, surprised people.

            Sam has a cut on his cheek, he and Mary have blood on their hair. Bobby is gripping his arm; Charlie’s right foot is clearly hurt and Jack has a bruise on the side of his head. They’re all breathing heavily, probably from running up the stairs after fighting off all the demons. There’s a mix of proud smiles, unsurprised huffs and ‘I told you so’s from their small family.

            “Are we interrupting anything?” Sam says “We came to rescue you, but I think you’re doing alright”

            “C’mere, Samsquatch” Dean gets up and hugs his brother, his mother, Jack, Charlie and Bobby.

            “Don’t ever scare us like that again” Sam tells him.

            “Dude, after this?” Dean pats his brother’s shoulder “I’m retiring” They all chuckle as they walk out of the room “What the hell am I wearing?” Dean asks, tugging at his 1920s’ clothing. He shrugs off the coat, leaving it behind “I hope you have some spare stuff for me” Cas laughs beside him, loud and clear and it’s beautiful.

 

            So yeah, Michael is still out there, but they’ll find him. Right now, to Dean, everything’s okay. He has his family with him, telling him how brave he was and thanking him, his brother smiling as if he were truly happy, and – finally – he has Cas’ hand holding his as they celebrate.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hope you've liked it.  
> English is not my first language, so I hope it came out okay. Thanks for reading this, it means a lot to me!
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated, and you can find me on Tumblr: @Twist-Shout-and-Shells  
> PS: lyrics at the begining are from the song COME HOME, by Onerepublic.


End file.
